Call it "pre-pre-deployment training..."

Tonight's run

2011-08-31T21:24:00.000-05:00

3.25 miles
30:00
502 kCal

This run broke down like this: 10 minutes light run/warm-up. then 5 rounds of 1 minute at 70% effort followed by 1 minute at a jog, then 10 minutes light run/cool-down. The high school track has been closed for some absurd reason (everything they do is for some absurd reason), so I had to run at Brookhill, our tennis club. I was asked to retrieve balls that had gone over the fence, the pavement was uncomfortable and uneven, and I had a generally unpleasant run. Glad I got this one out of the way, but it was a pain in the ass.

See ya tomorrow.

brennan

Memphis St. Jude Marathon

2011-08-31T10:40:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone. I've lost my mind, apparently, b/c I signed up for the Memphis St. Jude Marathon in December. I'm now just shy of 14 weeks out from race day, and my training program started Monday. I ran 3 miles in about 33 minutes, which is slow, but it's hot and humid, and I haven't been running often, so it's ok. Yesterday was supposed to be a day off, but I played cardio tennis and then 2 sets of doubles. I'm feeling good. Tonight, I'm supposed to some interval work. I'll post on it when I finish. I was 230.0 lbs. the last time I weighed before Monday, and as of this morning I'm 225.8 lbs.

Full stats from Monday's 3 miles:
3.03 miles
33:57
523 kCals

Will update later.

brennan

2:08:22

2011-08-31T10:28:00.000-05:00

Tallahassee Half Marathon time.

New Year's Resolutions 2011

2011-01-25T23:33:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone.

I've been pretty busy of late, as you may be able to tell from the lack of updates. I have a few runs to log, but I'll get those in next post. For the time being, however, I want to post my twenty-'leb'n resolutions (I know I'm late - sue me).

Log 1,100 miles.
Run a race at each of the five standard distances: 5k, 10k, 10-miler, half-marathon, marathon.
Become a licensed attorney in Virginia.
Make Dean's List the last semester in law school.
Drop to 190 lbs.
Score no less than 270 on the APFT.

thoughts?

brennan

Best. Idea. Ever.

2010-12-17T02:30:00.001-06:00

Hi everyone.

So I was disappointed in how my runs were turning out, even considering the relative success of the last one, and started thinking about potential root causes. I was getting tired early and running slowly. I couldn't breathe right and my foot-strike was off. I've been running like a really uncoordinated person recently, and it got to me. I started thinking and realized that maybe the reason I run better with Dylan is that she's talking to me. It differs from when I run with music because if the tempo of the song changes, or the song changes without seamlessly transitioning into my foot-strike tempo, it throws me off. I'm again not thinking about the run, but about the conversation, which makes it easier. Yet, I've run without any music or company, which left my mind to wander, and that's not good because I would focus on my inadequacies, further feeding my self-consciousness and self-doubt and ultimately throwing off the run. Thus, an experiment.

Hypothesis:
If running with a partner is more effective in large part because of the nature of conversational or spoken aural stimuli, as opposed to musical or ambient aural stimuli, then running while listening to audiobooks will, at least ostensibly, recreate the benefit of running with a partner, while further allowing me to focus on what the spoken word imparts without having to generate conversation in return.

Experiment:
I purchased two audiobooks, Emerson on Nature: The Environmental Philosophy of Ralph Waldo Emerson and Making our Democracy Work: A Judge's View by Justice Stephen Breyer. On my way out the door, I asked my mom which one I should listen to, and she looked disgusted at my utter dorkdom, then half-heartedly suggested Emerson on Nature, so I went with it. My left foot departed the front porch at 11:24 pm, and off I went, a fairly long route in mind, but noting that it was subject to change depending on what feedback I got from my body as I ran.

Results:
11.01 miles
1 hr, 49 minutes
9:54/mile pace (fastest ever over 5 miles)
Emerson on Nature audiobook
1,800 kcals (yes, I'm serious - I burned a day's worth of kcals on my run tonight)

Conclusions:
Audiobooks FTW.
I'll be hella sore tomorrow.
Dylan is really slacking off on this nickname thing.

I've decided that I will be soliciting mp3s to be made by certain people close to me, each 8-12 minutes in length, comprised of a one-sided conversation, a soliloquy perhaps, but most likely a simple monologue. I will compile these into a playlist for the race. I have but two rules: 1) they cannot be depressing in any way, and 2) they must encourage me to keep running a couple of times throughout the monologue. The monologue need not be encouraging as a whole, but must not be discouraging, and must include some encouraging elements, in other words. I may experiment with this form of aural stimuli before the race, and if it doesn't work, it's back to Emerson on Nature or Making our Democracy Work, whichever helps me most between now and 6FEB. If you'd like to volunteer for this not inauspicious endeavor, please don't hesitate. I will take all comers. I must now, unfortunately, go ice my knees and ankles and try to get some sleep.

brennan

Quick update

2010-12-16T17:46:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone/nobody,

Excited! My RoadID came in the mail today, along with my technical, moisture-wicking, reflective running hat. I haven't run since my last update, unfortunately. My legs were killing me Tuesday, and yesterday was pretty busy, especially considering that I took a few hours out of my evening (prime running time, by the way) to teach an ex, in whom I'm still interested, how to play guitar. She's sort of seeing someone, but whatever happens happens (que sera sera?). I'm probably not going running tonight, but I feel really bad about it, which is good, I guess (?). My aunt and uncle are in town visiting the family and we're heading next door to my grandparents' house for dinner in a bit, after which I'll probably be teaching another guitar lesson. I have an edit to finish and a movie to watch (The Road, adapted from Cormac McCarthy's stellar post-apocalyptic novel of the same name and starring Viggo Mortensen (sp?)) tonight, so it'll be a late night. I may even find time to ruminate on my running development sans-partner. If so, you'll see it here.

Until next time,

brennan

Sorry for the hiatus

2010-12-14T03:41:00.000-06:00

Everybody everybody!

Ok, so it has been a while since my last post for several reasons: exams, exams, more exams, a death in the family, and Christmas preparation. Dylan has been falling behind on nicknames of late, which is disheartening because they started off great, got weird, then kinda tailed off. Oh well - she's probably busy. I haven't talked to her much since I left Oxford. Before I get to my runs, I want to talk about what I was able to do last Tuesday night after my last exam.

I got to cook. So excited! I decided I was going to make a relatively healthy, holiday-themed meal for a few friends. I invited Dylan (and told her she could bring a friend if she wanted) and my law school buddy Sam. Dylan brought her friend Courtney - she's a sweet girl from Dallas, as well as a soccer player - and we had a good time. I made four items:

Venison sausage braised in winter ale and apple juice, with a sauce made from bbq sauce, sriracha, apple juice, soy sauce, maple syrup, and worcestershire sauce
Sweet potato compote (my late great-grandmother's recipe), with pineapple, sugar, bourbon and rosemary
Swiss red chard (green and red) sauteed in olive oil, sriracha, apple juice and orange juice
Granny smith apple & black grapes, poached in sweet vermouth, with cinnamon, nutmeg, peppermint, rosemary, orange juice, and mounted with butter

Cooking makes me feel good about myself, in part because I'm good at it, and in part because it gives me an opportunity to have friends over. My guests apparently enjoyed the food and the company, which always makes me happy. The next day, I left Oxford for home (Brookhaven) and haven't been back since.

Thursday was a difficult day for me. I was honored to be a pall bearer in the funeral of my great-grandmother (of sweet potato compote renown). She was 103, and her passing was a relief, since she'd fallen the previous week and shattered her hip, and because of her age and frailty, she was not a surgical candidate. Therefore, she was either heavily sedated or in severe pain. It was a lovely service and I got to see cousins and extended family again, which is nice.

I have logged three runs since I got back (Saturday, Sunday, and Monday), to-wit:

Saturday, 11DEC2010
1.98 miles
24 minutes
solo run
music: workout mix on my iPod
234 kcals

Terrible run. I'd just eaten, was congested, and kinda tired. Chest pains and the inability to breathe forced the run to end earlier than anticipated. It left me very frustrated. It was very humid, and a bit on the warm side, but that shouldn't have had such an effect. I decided I wasn't going to run shortly after eating lunch anymore, and I was going to see what I could do about this congestion. It led me to...

12DEC2010
4.13 miles
42 minutes
solo run
music: workout mix on my iPod
631 kcals

Decent run. Chest still hurt a bit, and it was another afternoon run just after lunch. Pushed through the chest pain and got a few miles in. Had to cut it short for scheduling reasons. The temp finally dropped and I got some Afrin to clear me up. Pretty uneventful. Got caught up in the music. No real progress to report.

13DEC2010
6.35 miles
1:04
solo run
music: workout mix on my iPod
961 kcals

Great run. Really cold (28 & windy) & I got started late (left the house at 9:34 pm). Since it's hard to find sidewalks in Brookhaven, I've decided to start running late at night so that there's less traffic and I can run in the road. I got out to a pretty good pace, but the cold was burning my lungs so I had to slow down a bit, if only to slow my breathing. I didn't have a route in mind when I left, and it sort of grew organically from the run itself as I listened to my body. Got in some hills and ran through my old neighborhood. Went out of the way to check out this house that has lights which coordinate to songs on the radio (they do it to raise money for multiple sclerosis or muscular dystrophy - I can't remember), but it was off for the night.

I started to get cold, since I had begun to break a good sweat, and my feet started to hurt/go numb because I was wearing socks I'd worn a couple of times since I washed them. I started to repeat the phrase "one more" over and over again. I don't know why. I don't know what I meant by it: one more what? Step? Block? Minute? Mile? Then what?

Chanting my nonsensical new-found mantra, I found myself near the church my family attends, and as I rounded a corner, crossing the street to the left side, a truck roared up from behind me, on the left (wrong) side of the road, and as I scrambled to avoid becoming his next hood ornament, I rolled my ankle. It hurt and swelled up a little almost immediately, so I stopped running and walked about 1/4 of a mile. "One more." I started running, with a little limp, then I forgot about it.

I started thinking about what I had decided to put on the RoadID I had ordered for myself as an early Christmas present/safety device. It's a bracelet that contains vital information in case you're injured or pass out or something while running, and it gives you several lines in which to enter the information and one line for a motivational phrase or something. I chose "Run for those who can't" to be my motivational phrase, drawing on the inspiration from Maggie & Alicia. When I thought about them, then thought about my ankle, the radical insignificance of a rolled ankle was thrust into bright view. I picked up the pace, noticed I wasn't winded or even really tired and that the only limiting factors at that moment were the cold, my numb feet, and my slightly uncomfortable ankle, and poured it on.

I finished my run with a dead sprint over the last 1/2 mile or so, culminating in a sharp, though short, hill just before I reached my house. I realized that running solo is a bit harder than running with a partner, especially one as motivating and enabling as Dylan, but I also realized that I would be running the Tallahassee Half without Dylan, and likely without knowing a soul there, so I would need to get used to it. It's going to take some work to become so self-reliant, but I'll get there. At the end of the day, I have to drag my own ass out of bed, put on my shoes (which tonight crossed the 100-mile mark!), and get out there and run. I can't rely on someone else making me do it. I have to do it for myself. Which reminds me - you may notice that I ran three days in a row. I haven't done that before. Pretty excited about it. I didn't mean to do it, it just happened. I ran when I was motivated to run, and I was motivated on three consecutive days. I intend to run tomorrow, but we'll have to see how my legs are feeling. Right now, they're mush. I think a hot bath, some Icy-Hot, and maybe a good rub-down will help a lot. We'll see.

I'm pretty excited about tonight's run, and I want to see how I progress without Dylan. Your predictions/thoughts? Be honest!

brennan

2010-12-03T03:15:00.001-06:00

2DEC2010: "apple dumplin"

There are things which cannot be outrun

2010-12-02T12:54:00.001-06:00

Here is a brief list of things with which I'm dealing and from which I cannot run:

Federal Jurisdiction - I'm kinda losing my mind about it because it isn't even a coherent body of law. It's just a bunch of somewhat related topics that all deal tangentially with suing the government in federal courts. The exam is tomorrow and I'll be pulling an all-nighter tonight, I can already tell.
Constitutional Law II - I'll only have one day to devote to it, my professor covers tons of material, and we only have two topics: freedom of speech and freedom of religion. This sounds like a good thing, but keep in mind that in law school, exams are like the ocean - the deeper you go, the more pressure there is.
Life post-Alicia - I know that a lot of my writing has been about dealing with life without her, but what I've come to understand is that I can't run from life without her, but toward life after her.
Uncertainty - I'm still waiting to hear back from the Army about what they're going to decide my job will be for the next few years. I just need to get comfortable with uncertainty though.

Well, I need to get back to studying. No running until after exams, probably. I may go tomorrow after my Federal Jurisdiction exam to clear my head or something. I'll keep you posted.

brennan

1DEC2010

2010-12-02T01:48:00.004-06:00

apparently, no nickname. :(

Also, I came to a depressing realization today: I spent so much time with Alicia when I was at Hampden-Sydney that I didn't spend enough time getting really close to my friends. Now, I'm not nearly as close to my Betas, cadets, & ruggers as I would like to be, and it's lost for naught. Wonderful.

brennan

2010-12-01T00:33:00.003-06:00

30NOV2010 - Cupcake.

Long wet run

2010-11-30T01:54:00.000-06:00

8.82 miles.
1 hr, 36 minutes.
Run w/ Dylan.
1,442 kcals.
Nickname: Eros. She's getting a little weird.

Today, the weather in Oxford was unpleasant at best. Some, including The Weather Channel, would call it severe. The rains came, and when I say they came, boy did they come. Shortly before we ran, Dylan and I were sitting in FCA and could hear the wind and rain outside. We looked at each other, considered canceling, and decided to soldier forth, as it were. After a long day of studying, however, and having blown off a social hour for my Criminal Appeals Clinic (our professor took the class out to a bar and bought drinks for us) in order to study, I took the time to go to FCA and go for my run.

It was pouring when I went into the law school to change, but it had stopped when I came out. The temperature had risen and it was extremely humid. We started running, talking about the holidays and my theory that, to a certain extent, the study of mathematics & science requires less stringent intellectual engagement than the study of traditional liberal arts. The conversation evolved into discussions of the theoretical nature of colors and perception, the potential advances of stem-cell research in light of recent developments, and that led us to talking about Todd Miller.

I'm willing to bet that none of you know of Todd Miller. Todd was a rugby player at Longwood University - in fact, he was THE rugby player at Longwood. Longwood was always one of the best teams in the country, and Todd was their best player. He was a true rugger - lived and breathed the game. In the fall of 2007, Todd was playing in a match against VMI, and a VMI player in a ruck accidentally stepped on the side of Todd's head, unknowingly puncturing Todd's skull. Todd got up, said he felt dizzy, and went to the sideline. He came back in at the half, played a few minutes, and collapsed. He was taken to the hospital just down the road, and was comatose by the time they put him in the chopper to airlift him to Richmond. He died a few days later from complications from brain swelling and cerebral hemorrhage. Todd would've been heartbroken to find that some people stopped playing rugby in the wake of his death, a fact I communicated to my mother when she asked me to stop playing. I still play every now and then, but it's out of respect for Todd and out of love for the game.

Our conversation drifted from art to race strategy to current social affairs, and I came to realize what Dylan's role actually was. Sure, she's my running partner and she pushes me to keep going and to go faster, but that's not the most important service she provides. What makes her invaluable in my running is that she's a stellar conversationalist, and when I'm thinking about our myriad and variegated conversation topics, I'm not thinking about my burning lungs, my aching knees, my splitting side, or my sore ankles. I keep the conversation going because it's interesting, and when I'm keeping the conversation going, I'm keeping the run going. She has an uncanny ability to sense when my motivation or focus is flagging, respond, and immediately kick-start a new wind for me. Not only does she run slightly ahead of me, shaming me into trying to keep up, she is always sure to speak over her shoulder at me to ensure that I hear her (she knows my hearing kinda sucks).

The other side of that coin, therefore, is that much of what she provides me is far simpler a benefit: with my brother gone to England for study abroad and my relative inability to generate my own companions, she has fast become my best friend in Oxford. She's like a little sister who can kick my ass. She of course doesn't replace my actual little sister, but she's like a sister nonetheless. She makes me miss my sister, oddly enough, but that's another discussion for another day.

The run was great, though. We got a few short bursts of rain, each of which was cleansing and invigorating, providing a new burst of energy. While I'm not so sure now (a few hours after the fact), I felt at the time that I could have run a couple more miles, but I told myself that Dylan would be overtraining as it is, and to push a few extra would be inconsiderate, given that she ran a 10-miler on Thursday, ran 7 miles this morning, and lifted today. I'm exhausted now, and a bit sore, but super-pumped about the run. I needed it for my confidence, and quite frankly, I'm getting to the point where I feel bad if I don't run for a few days. It's an addiction, like lifting was for a while. This is an exciting development.

On that note, I realize it's 1:54 am, and I have to get up to study in the morning, so I'll be drawing this to a close. Until next time, keep doing you.

brennan

New nickname

2010-11-29T01:01:00.002-06:00

28NOV2010 - Balto

No idea why.

brennan

New nicknames

2010-11-28T16:56:00.000-06:00

I thought I'd share this with you guys. Dylan, in an attempt to combat my flagging post-Alicia self-esteem, has taken it upon herself to give me a new complimentary nickname each day. I'll be including them in posts from now on. It began on Thanksgiving Day, so I'll post those I've received thus far, and as I update this blog, I'll include the new ones.

25NOV2010 - 200 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal
26NOV2010 - sparkling sapphire eyes
27NOV2010 - carrot-topped angel

Some of them are kinda strange, but she said they'd get better as time goes on. This should be interesting.

brennan

Run/Walk in Brookhaven

2010-11-28T16:39:00.002-06:00

4.54 miles.
55 minutes.
Running with my sister.
Conversation.
527 kcals burned (I'm going to go back and add this data to the previous posts)

Friday afternoon, I was watching the Auburn-Alabama game, and when Auburn failed to convince me that they had brought their starters, I decided I'd rather go for a run than watch the SEC's hopes of a national championship crumble. I took my 13-year-old soccer-playing sister with me.

We started out running in Brookhaven, and I was reminded of the odd and conspicuous lack of sidewalks in town. It is very frustrating, but I just had to adapt, right?

It's fun running with my sister because she and I have a lot in common and we talk about things very important to us. She's having a rough time in Brookhaven for the same reason I did: the town is one of cliques, which are based on very superficial (though not always physical) reasons - money, willingness to humiliate others, social status, etc.). She is, like I was, unwilling to sacrifice being true to herself, unwilling to go along with bullying, etc., and it has hurt her socially. The movie Mean Girls is not an exaggeration. Life is hellish for her, and my heart breaks for her.

She is such a great kid - she works hard, she tries her hardest to do what's right, and she sticks up for those who can't defend themselves, either because of a lack of social power or the fact that they're just the new kid. She is very powerful among her peers, despite the fact that she has trouble socially. She has friends, and they're very important to her, but the girls who aren't her friends are so mean to her that her friends are unable to make up the difference.

My dad doesn't help, either. He doesn't mean to, and it's just the way his father treated my aunt, but he closes her out. They fight constantly. She isn't perfect, and not all of the blame is his. He's very idiosyncratic, and AnnaRachel doesn't comply with his idiosyncrasies, which drives him nuts. She's loud when he needs quiet. She has very bad timing in terms of approaching him for conversation. For example, he has a few TV shows he watches religiously. He'll work all day, come home and cook dinner (he loves to cook - I think I get my passion for cooking from him), and will watch one of his shows. With five minutes left, she'll come and try to start an involved conversation with him. He's sedate, quiet, reserved, etc., and she's a 13-year-old girl: boisterous, emotional, outspoken, etc. She has gotten to the point where she doesn't see him as someone to whom she can go with problems. She doesn't see him as a father figure anymore, but someone to be avoided. And I can understand that: he and I had our share of fights from about age 12-20. I'm reminded of an old joke:

When I was 16, my dad was the dumbest man alive.
When I was 24, my dad was the smartest man I'd ever met.
I was amazed to see how much he learned in those 8 years.

I can see why they fight - they're exact opposites. The beauty of it is this: she is, in many ways, exactly like him. They're both head-strong, determined, incredibly intelligent, caring, considerate, intuitive, instinctive, successful, athletic, soccer-loving, aggressive, talented, well-read (relative to their ages/peers), brave, selfless, grateful, humble, passionate, and thoughtful. In short, I think that she is exactly what he was at her age, and that she will be a lot like him at his age. They're two of my favorite people, and it kills me that they fight.

As we ran (and in fact, whenever we got to talk all week - this post includes our conversations all week, not just the one during the run), she poured her heart out. We talked about her troubles in school (not academically - she's the smartest of the 3 kids), her troubles with Dad, her soccer team, and everything else that came into mind. We had to stop and walk from time to time for several reasons: she hasn't been running long-distance and couldn't keep up (understandable - she's 13), she was cold (the temp dropped about 20 degrees during the run), and because her ankle was sore (I think she rolled it early in the run). I gave her my running cap because she was getting cold, which had a convenient side effect for me. Since I didn't have a sweat-wicking cap, I had sweat pouring down my face for most of the run, which hid the tears pouring down my cheeks. I hate that life is hard for her right now, because she deserves the best of everything.

I realized we all run away from something and toward something else, whether that run is actual or metaphorical. She runs away from her peers and toward a time/place where she'll be accepted for being herself. She runs away from the trouble she has with her father toward a time where they'll get along (she's convinced that if she just works hard enough to make her proud of her - academically, athletically - they'll have a better relationship). She runs away from her low self-esteem and the causes of her self-image and toward a better self-concept and a time where she'll be able to make people like her. She's a pleaser - she wants everyone to be happy with her, and she's willing to be unhappy to make that happen, but she's not willing to live a lie or do the wrong thing. She doesn't realize that she's a far better kid than either of her brothers, and she has no idea that while the present may very well suck for her, a time will come when her gifts and characteristics will be respected and loved by her peers. She has a short-term view of herself, and she doesn't realize that when she grows up, she's going to be a great person. She doesn't realize that because she doesn't realize that she's already a great person.

More after my next run.

brennan

Quick update

2010-11-24T21:05:00.000-06:00

Last night, I played tennis instead of running. I got a good workout in, which is to say I sweated for over an hour. I played 2 sets and a super-tiebreak. The first set didn't go so well (my partner and I lost 6-0 in about 30 minutes), but the second was a bit more competitive. We won 7-5 and I served for the set. We were playing on clay, so it was a little harder to get my game going and it was hard to run, turn, and stop effectively, but I had a good time, and like I said, I broke a sweat for a while. I've spent all day today trying to finish editing this article, and won't be able to make it out for a run tonight, but I'm going tomorrow and I've got a 6.65 mile route planned out. Hopefully, I'll be able to convince my sister, a budding soccer player, to run some of that with me and maybe ride a bike for the rest of it to keep my company. We'll see.

brennan

Update on the weekend and a run in Brookhaven

2010-11-23T01:26:00.001-06:00

So Dallas was a blast. We didn't advance to the top 4, but we beat a pretty good SMU team and I think we lost our second round to South Texas, which is a national powerhouse. I loved it - the judge in the round where I was actually being a lawyer told me that the only reason he didn't grant my motion for directed verdict (which, for all you non-lawyers/non-law students, is where the judge decides that one side didn't even put up enough evidence to let the jury decide the case) was that this was a competition and people were going to be graded on their closing arguments, and if he granted the MDV, they wouldn't get to make them. It made me happy. The judges told me after the round that I seemed like I had tried hundreds of cases before, which also made me happy.

After we found out we didn't advance, we went out and got some good food, then went to a bar. It was a pretty rough night, but the next morning (Sunday), we got up, checked out of The Adolphus - a GREAT hotel - and drove two of the guys on my team, Greg Whibbs and Caleb Koonce, to the airport to catch their early flights. After that, our coach, a Memphis attorney named Edd (USNA '93), my other teammate, Aaron Rice (USMC, Purple Heart winner), and I drove around looking for something to do until it was time to go to the airport to catch our own flights. We ended up in Grapevine, Texas, a cool, kitschy little suburb. We ate at Main Street Bakery, and I got a currant-mushroom soup with a panini of Bosc pears, prosciutto, and brie, and some coffee. We ate outside, on the sidewalk of Main Street, talked about war, politics, philosophy, life as a lawyer and life in general, and had a great time people-watching. I even got a quick run in (about a mile).

Now, I'm back in Brookhaven. I got in this afternoon, ate dinner with my parents, and went for a run.

4.16 miles.
44 minutes. Solo.
Music: Coheed & Cambria, with some Better Than Ezra and Chris Cornell thrown in.
661 kcals

I didn't feel good, but it was nice to run in Brookhaven again, despite the fact that for some reason there are no sidewalks here. I'm still mulling over some things in my head about how I'm changing, so I'll leave those be for the time being.

brennan

Recovery Run

2010-11-19T10:45:00.001-06:00

2.14 miles
24 minutes.
Running w/ Dylan.
360 kcals.

So sore. My hamstrings felt like ropes dipped in kerosene. I was very tired, but I wanted to get up and burn off a little more stress, while getting in a slow run to keep my muscles loose. Still very sore, so I'm gonna get a shower and finish packing for Dallas.

brennan

Long run today

2010-11-19T00:08:00.001-06:00

8.43 miles.
1 hr, 31 minutes.
Solo run.
Music: a mix of Flogging Molly, Jay-Z w/ Linkin Park, and Nine Inch Nails
1,361 kcals.

You read correctly. This is, by a decent amount, the farthest I've ever run. It was cold today, and I just got new cold gear, so I was giving it a test run. I was wearing a Saucony cold-weather wicking cap, a Puma cold-gear wicking technical shirt (long sleeves), New Balance running tights, and some Drymax cold-wear socks. I had some Asics gloves, but I didn't wear them. The only problem I had was that my right sock kept bunching up under my toes and my right foot kept going numb. Other than that, it was a great run. I probably could have kept going, but my left knee was starting to get a little tender. As far as cardiovascular endurance is concerned, I wasn't having trouble continuing the run, which is very exciting. I'm going to refrain from my analysis in this post, because while I'm pretty pumped about the run, I'm very, very tired now and I need to go to sleep. I'll be going to Dallas this weekend for a trial competition in labor and employment law. I'm taking my gear and plan on running around downtown Big D Sunday morning. Tomorrow, Dylan and I will be running together, but it's going to be a shorter recovery run to ease my nerves for the weekend. Wish me luck!

brennan

No run tonight

2010-11-15T16:34:00.000-06:00

Hey everybody/nobody. I won't be running tonight, due to a combination of things: I'm still quite sore from the weekend, my leg is still healing from its cheese-grater-like wound (Dylan said it was specifically not a wound, but a "battle scar" because I got it going for a D (defensive play)), it's really cold and I haven't gotten any winter weather running gear yet (early Christmas present? - although I'm ordering some online right now), and I've got a lot of work to do tonight. I'll try to go tomorrow night after my trial in Criminal Trial Practice.

I've been thinking a lot about what I'm doing. Why am I running? I realized that I have no real limitations to my ability to do anything. I'm relatively healthy, smart, mature (at times, anyway), and well-adjusted. I work hard. I have everything I need. There are others, however, who aren't as lucky, yet they still work hard, they still succeed. Ever since I signed up for the Tallahassee Half, I've tried to figure why I did it. I think I did it because I have no excuse not to. I'm inspired to keep going by those who did until they fell or those who continue to do so. They don't have the same opportunities I do, and yet they continue to fight or fought until they couldn't anymore.

Therefore, I'm making it official.

I'm dedicating my training and my run in the Tallahassee Half to two people whose battles with cancer inspire me daily: Maggie Cupit and the late Alicia Jean Glueckert.

Maggie is a friend of mine from back home who fought Ewing's Sarcoma for a while and beat it, but she's now just fighting the complications from chemotherapy and the effects of an embattled immune system. She has done so with a smile and a joke. She has the best attitude of anyone I've ever met. I'm not talking about just people who are really sick and fighting terrible diseases - I mean to say that she has a better attitude on a daily basis, in everyday life, than any other person I've ever met. And she kept this attitude while fighting bone cancer in her knee. She hasn't been able to walk for a long time now, but she'll run the Half with me.

Mrs. Glueckert is Alicia's mom. She won her battle with ovarian cancer about 23 years ago, and won her battle with brain cancer about 8 years ago. She was boisterous, rambunctious, fun-loving, funny, sweet, considerate, and loving. She loved dancing to country music and small children (she was a teaching assistant in an elementary school). She lost her battle with osteosarcoma in January 2010. She fought hard, and she kept her wit as long as she could. She would go out of her way to make me feel welcome - once, I was in town (Ashburn, VA) judging a high school debate tournament on the Friday night before Spring Break. It happened to be St. Patrick's Day, apparently her favorite holiday and definitely one of mine. The plan was to get up Saturday, judge all day, then drive to Long Island, where Alicia and I, along with a few friends, were going to spend the week. When I finally finished judging Friday night, I went back to Alicia's house about 11 o'clock, where Mrs. Glueckert was waiting with a hot plate of corned beef and cabbage to celebrate the holiday. She'd saved some from dinner and kept it hot for me, so I could have a traditional Irish meal on St. Patty's Day. She was a special lady, to say the least. Though she's gone, she isn't forgotten, and she'll run the Tallahassee Half with me as well.

Maggie and Mrs. Glueckert are going to be running with me on 6FEB2011 because I'm designing a running shirt to wear in the race. It will incorporate their names, favorite colors, and a few symbols with which they closely identify. Thus far, I'm thinking it will be a green shirt with hot pink lettering & symbols. If anyone wants one, let me know before 1DEC2010.

I just hope I can do them justice.

The 'Hawk

2010-11-14T20:07:00.000-06:00

Well, as I said in the previous post, I wasn't able to get in a run this weekend, which is certainly not to say that I didn't run. By my best guess, I figure I ran between 6 and 8 miles this weekend. We played 8 games (not every team, just those who made it to the final round), and went 5-1 in prelims, losing to a team comprised of the best players from 2 teams with insufficient numbers to continue playing, and they became the #1 seed. In the semifinals, we eked out a 12-11 victory, and in the finals, we rolled 11-5 over the #4 seed, who had somehow been able to upset the #1 seed.

On a related note, I lost a bet and, to make a long story short, I had to shave a mohawk into my hair Friday night. This is difficult to do by oneself, but I somehow was able to make it look alright. I played much better this weekend, with the 'hawk, than I have ever played before, so I'm attributing my recently-augmented skill to the 'hawk. I'm probably going to bring it back for every Ultimate tournament from now on. I might even run the Tallahassee Half with it. Who knows? - it might even help me. So much of confidence is perception, and since I can't explain my play any other way, I can't help but think that it had something to do with it.

I will be returning to my running tomorrow night. Update to follow.

brennan

No run today

2010-11-12T12:58:00.000-06:00

Unfortunately, I'm unable to run today. My blisters from Monday were made a bit worse Wednesday night, and my feet are swollen and sore, so I'm taking the day off today, getting some school work and house work done.

I will, however, get in some good cross-training this weekend. I'll be playing in an ultimate frisbee tournament. It's a "hat" tournament, which means the tournament directors put the names of all the people who signed up into a hat, and draw them at random to make teams. It's gonna be a great time, and we get some pretty cool jerseys with Mr. Faulkner's face on them (the tournament is called "The Flick and the Fury" - a reference to The Sound and the Fury).

The purpose of this blog, however, is not just to record my running, but to address its effect on me. I've noticed that I'm losing weight and getting thinner - YAY! - but this might have something to do with my decreased caloric intake as well. My ADHD medication has an effect on my appetite, and lately, I've been taking in about 1,300 kcals/day, which is rather low for someone of my size and activity level, but as long as I'm not hungry or fatigued, I'm not going to worry about it. It (running and seeing results) has also boosted my confidence a little - not too much - and I don't see myself as running away from something (Alicia, depression, what have you), but toward something (love, confidence, success, etc.), which is very exciting and comforting.

brennan

Upset solo run

2010-11-10T23:28:00.001-06:00

5.2 miles.
53 minutes.
Solo run.
Music: My Chemical Romance, The Black Parade.
796 kcals.

I left my apartment, kinda upset about recent developments. I didn't have a planned route or even a planned distance. I just ran until I felt like turning, then made turns based on instinct. Completely intuitive and unintentional decision-making. Coincidentally, I noticed that I ran by every sorority house on campus - the coincidence will be clearer in a minute.

I was running upset because I'm still kinda reeling from the end of my relationship with Alicia, and the effects that has had on my self-image, which had, even before the break-up, left something to be desired, to say the least. Also, I met a girl (Kati) last weekend: stunningly beautiful, smart, funny (biting sarcasm and a quick wit - wonderful), engaging, exciting, and best of all, she made me feel really good about myself, which hasn't happened in a long time. We hung out in the Grove for a while, went to the game, went back to the Grove, then went out on the Square, danced, kissed, had an incredible night. Then, to make a long story somewhat less long, I find out she has a boyfriend. In sum, my confidence, particularly in the romantic context, has been on a roller-coaster for a while. It upset me, and Dylan couldn't run with me, so I put on some music that usually helps me feel a little better, and just ran.

As I ran, I let the despair, anger, fear, frustration, and longing in the music serve as white noise for my own reflections. I first thought about what led to the end of my relationship with Alicia, but that was a bit too difficult, so I thought about Kati and that bizarre circumstance. Ultimately, I realized that I wanted to use this time to think about myself, not about those other things, so I did.

Given the circumstances, I thought about things I could work on to make myself market-ready, for lack of a better term. I started with an inventory of strengths and weaknesses. Strengths: intellect, sense of humor, future earning capacity, certain esoteric skills (cooking, singing, etc.). Weaknesses: social grace, being broke, some of my beliefs are a bit hard to swallow for most girls here, and looks. I realized that continuing to run will help in one of these areas, and I recognized that I've made progress in my fitness recently. I'm not unattractive, but the ladies aren't exactly kicking down my door, either. Social grace isn't something that I can really work to develop, but it can come with time, so I put that at the back of my mind. I don't really have time to work, so that's something that will have to wait, and I refuse to change my beliefs. Thus, the only weakness I can really work on at the moment is my looks.

It was about this point that I realized I was running with blisters. I had gotten them Monday, but now, they were on my mind. I thought about how blisters are, in some sense, a lot like romantic setbacks. They're uncomfortable at first, then painful, but in the larger picture, relatively insignificant. I decided to keep running.

I came to the realization that I'd been singing along to the music, loudly, when I noticed that my throat was hurting. I decided not to think anymore, and just let my anger, frustration, and depression fuel me. I kicked up the pace a little, turned up a hill, and broke down crying. I was at once furious, desperate, and terrified. I was filled with self-loathing and self-pity (a teacher once told me that pity was a weak form of hatred), and the realization that I was pitying myself further fueled my self-loathing. I ran hard and cried harder. When I finished, my lungs burned, my legs stiffened, and my head swam. I felt great and terrible. It was cathartic, but it brought my inadequacies into sharp focus. I have targets now. We'll see how they're attacked.

Until next time,

brennan

A New Direction

2010-11-10T20:27:00.000-06:00

Hi everyone (or no one, unless I miss my guess).

This blog will be taking a new direction, to-wit: I will be writing about how my running has affected my personal, psychological, and emotional development.

But first, some background:

As I've been training for the Tallahassee Half-Marathon, I have developed a love of running. This is shocking for anyone who knows me. I've always hating running. HATED. LOATHED. DESPISED. I have begun to get the runner's high when I hit an hour.

I have also recently entered a new phase of my life: the post-Alicia era. She ended it a few weeks ago, out of the blue. Needless to say, the combination of stressors deriving from the end of the most significant relationship of my life to date, training for a half-marathon, law school, and life in general, has given me much to think about while I run.

Fortunately, I have a great running partner most days - Dylan Jordan - and she keeps me focused and motivated. She's my brother's girlfriend, and is fast becoming one of my closest friends. She keeps tabs on me while my brother's in England, and she pushes me to run harder, longer, and better. She also provides valuable feedback in various areas of my life, since the only time I really get to talk to anyone about what's going on my jacked-up head is when we run. She has played a big part in the development of the idea to change this blog, so I thought it appropriate to mention her now.

All that having been said, I will be blogging my running progress, combined with my thoughts about how my running is changing me. First update to be posted tonight.

brennan

new stuff

2010-03-29T02:23:00.001-05:00

check out my authorship page on the Social Science Research Network (SSRN) and download my paper. If the link above doesn't work, you can access the page at the following URL:

http://ssrn.com/author=1456642

i'd love to hear your thoughts.

brennan

Thoughts on Journalism in America

2009-07-19T13:23:00.001-05:00

I'm going to copy-and-paste the text of an article from Yahoo! News into this blog post. I hope people will read the entire post b/c I think it's important to understand that the nature of journalism is grounded in credibility. I'll develop this position in a little bit. Here's the article.

Cronkite and the voice of authority gone

By TED ANTHONY, AP National Writer Ted Anthony, Ap National Writer – Sun Jul 19, 12:56 am ET

WASHINGTON – "And that's the way it is," he'd say. It wasn't, but we wanted that reassurance. The idea that someone could wrangle the world each night and boil it down to a sensible, digestible half hour was so comforting.

Barely a generation has passed since Walter Cronkite disappeared from our evenings. But the notion of one man — a single, authoritative, empathetic man, morally reassuring and mild of temper — wrapping up the world after dinner for America seems incalculably quaint in the technological coliseum that is 21st-century communications.

Many of the network farewells to the CBS anchorman, who died Friday at 92, seemed built around the notion of the father figure. Anchors and reporters who are part of another age — a still-unfolding era of community feedback, viewer outreach and social-media interaction — struggled to summon the idea of anchor as monolith.

"We'd all let him watch our kids when we went out to the supermarket if we had the chance," NBC anchorman Brian Williams said. Hard to imagine Bill O'Reilly or Keith Olbermann, vigorous though they are, as national baby sitters.

"Uncle Walter," we called him. But on the Internet, there's not much use for uncles.

We are now confronted with a rushing, 24-hour river of information, much of it chaotic and raw, with no one to shepherd us through it.

Though network TV news remains popular, its demographic is older and it has struggled, losing about 1 million viewers a year in the years since Cronkite retired as anchor in 1981.

At the end of last year, according to Gallup, 31 percent of Americans considered the Internet to be a daily news source, a 50 percent gain since 2006. That's almost 100 million people actively reaching out to get their news rather than flipping on the TV and waiting for it to come to them.

At the same time, people now want a stake in their news and direct attention from the people who deliver it. They're demanding it, and they're getting it.

NBC's Williams, for example, does a daily blog. CNN anchor Rick Sanchez has built his midafternoon show around feedback from followers on Twitter and Facebook. News has become a two-way street, something to create community around.

That can be at once productive and perilous.

It gives an exhilarating voice to the voiceless. Yet it also can encourage consensus reality. If enough of us say it loudly enough, it must be true. In the 1960s and 1970s, Cronkite was accepted as the everyday incarnation of empirical truth — "a voice of certainty in an uncertain world," as President Barack Obama put it Friday night.

Cronkite's legendary assessment of Vietnam's quagmire — the one that led Lyndon Johnson to lament, "If I've lost Cronkite, I've lost Middle America" — is often cast as a barometer of the anchor's power at the time. What shouldn't be ignored is that, even then, the waning of that kind of power had begun.

"Middle America" then generally meant white and over 30, the very people that the young, energetic game-changers of the late 1960s were insisting shouldn't be trusted. Power to the people was upending the national hierarchy, and the Age of Many Voices was approaching.

Four decades later, cacophony reigns. What room is there for the conscience of a nation, for history's anchorman, for the father we all wanted?

In 2009, even trust, at least in the public realm, seems an uneasy notion. It's something we continue to desire. But in an age of wholesale, instantaneous, unprecedented lying, trust is something that may not be that wise when it comes to evaluating our sources of information.

That's what has changed since Cronkite's heyday.

Today's model works more like this: Everyone vies to get his personalized, customized, agenda-driven version of "that's the way it is" enshrined in the cultural canon. We shout, cajole, maneuver, horse-trade. We demonize the opposition. We brand ideas as products and send them on their way, ready to do battle in the marketplace.

Our anchors follow suit, riding the rising crest of expectation and anticipation and, sometimes, misusing it. "It's not the old voice of reassuring honesty that they cultivate, but one of perpetual anxiety," Los Angeles Times TV critic Robert Lloyd wrote in his Cronkite eulogy.

The coliseum is always open for business. If you've got a TV or a laptop, you're plugged in to the whole planet and can have your say. No one person can speak for us all — we don't even pretend that's the case anymore — and those who tried would be put in their places as fast as you can say Edward R. Murrow.

That can be a glorious expression of democracy, or it can lead, as it did Saturday morning, to the most e-mailed story on Yahoo! News being the one about the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile crashing into a house in Wisconsin. Democracy has a way of being quite democratic.

Nightly American comfort, Cronkite style, is a thing of the past, if it ever really existed at all. Perhaps, in the Age of Many Voices, comfort and reassurance is not meant to be our lot. Maybe that's just the way it is.

________________________________________________

Also, I want to post a link, or if I can, given my extremely limited internet skills, imbed a video from JibJab.com which takes on this very topic:

________________________________________________

I firmly believe that America has lost its soul. This is not a statement on the religious state of our nation. This is not a statement on the moral state of our nation, nor is it a commentary on any particular set of issues. Ultimately, I am arguing only that the things which I associate with the American heyday - baseball, community, patriotism without agenda, family values without political agenda, doing the right thing because it's the right thing, humility, virtue, honor, integrity, and quiet confidence - have gone the way of the dodo. I think this has much to do with the decline of journalism in America.

We have become a nation of individuals starved for attention, and we have starved ourselves with a regimen of constant entertainment. Gone are the days when an afternoon could reasonably be spent sitting on a porch, drinking a cold drink, talking to your neighbors. Gone are the days when people actually trusted others and by the same token, when people could be trusted. Gone are the days when people loved their country because it was their country; now, people love their country because they hate terrorists and because if they don't constantly wave the flag they're seen as questionably an enemy in our midst. Gone are the days when professional athletes were content to be able to make a comfortable living playing a game they loved; now, athletes feel entitled to millions of dollars for a few months of work per year and have turned what were formerly sports designed for teams into vehicles for unabashed self-aggrandizing and the cultural condoning of arrogance. Gone are the days when people enjoyed the company of their neighbors and engaged in any real interaction with them; now, they're merely the people we live near and with whom we sometimes interact in the course of the ever-constant, unending pursuit of continuous activity. Gone are the days when people behaved decently because it was the correct thing to do; now, people do what's right in order to be able to wield some sort of social authority, gain monetary benefit, or some other nefarious purpose.

Why is it the case that our nation has fallen by the wayside in this regard? I think it is the direct result of a lack of good, decent, reliable authority figures. Some of this can be attributed to the decline of the father in our culture. Some of this can be attributed to the ever-increasing exposure of our policital leadership as a group of frauds. The family values platform has become a vehicle of deception - it's ironic that the politicians who most ardently fought for conservative moral causes: family values, pro-life issues, anti-gay rights, pro-faith-based initiatives, etc., have been exposed as having the least virtuous home lives.

An appreciable amount of this, however, can be attributed to the lack of any credible, balanced, reliable and trustworthy newsperson. We need a father figure who can, like Ted Anthony said above, compress the world into a half-hour after dinner, tell us what we need to know, and in the end, be someone whose word we could trust not to skew the news in favor of any agenda. I'm one of the few, I guess, in my generation, who listen fervently to the stories of senior citizens. I love hearing my grandparents tell about how things used to be and how at the end of the evening news, they were confident that Walter Cronkite had told them everything they needed to know. He didn't bow to the political powers - he came out against President Johnson's statements about the Vietnam War. He didn't pander to any particular interest. He simply told the nation what was going on, and let them make their own decisions. A voice of authority and certainty, comforting and reliable, Walter Cronkite created the culture of the anchor which gave rise to Jennings, Brokaw and Rather.

Now, however, a substantial amount of people get their news from Colbert, Stewart, O'Brien and Letterman. One of the highest-rated news programs in the country is The O'Reilly Factor, closely followed by The Countdown with Keith Olbermann, Hardball, Hannity, and The Situation Room. None of these are particularly neutral, though some are downright laughable. Brian Williams is the last of a dying breed. We need, as a nation, to seriously reevaluate the benefit of on-demand news, as against the continued cost of having increasingly few moderate viewpoints in the world, having increasingly few reliable voices in broadcast journalism, and perpetuating the ever-costly trend against responsible, reliable father figures in America.

That's the way it is.

brennan

Relief

2009-04-01T16:40:00.000-05:00

I was relieved when I finished my Political Science thesis on Antonin Scalia at Hampden-Sydney. I was relieved when I was notified that my application for education delay had been accepted by the Army Human Resources Command. I was relieved when I got into law school. I was relieved when I got my grades back in January. I was relieved when my buddy made it back from Iraq in one piece.

Or so I thought.

I now know what relief is. My appellate brief is completed, twice-edited, printed, bound, and turned in.

Wonderful.

brennan

St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-18T11:46:00.001-05:00

You knew this was coming.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090318/ap_on_re_eu/eu_ireland_st_patrick_s_mayhem

brennan

it's my birthday... and?

2009-01-27T02:07:00.000-06:00

I'm officially 23 today. Completely anticlimactic. I don't really have anything to say other than that the problems I've been having persist and I see no real end to them. That said, I saw this in Katy's blog (WannabeJD) and thought I'd give it a shot. 25 random things about me:

1. I can't develop a consistent political position: I'm scathingly liberal about many things, and yet an archconservative on many things. It's frustrating, yet comforting.
2. My ADHD is crippling my attempts to become hyperefficient at anything.
3. I have an unending love affair with the sport of rugby.
4. I firmly believe that in the end, issues will resolve themselves in favor of those who work hard and are honest and motivated.
5. Food I secretly like: Beenie Weenies.
6. I want to play club rugby again, but not here at Ole Miss - in a city somewhere or when I get to my first duty station.
7. I'm horribly insecure about many things, but most of all, my manliness. Being emasculated is tantamount to being waterboarded for me.
8. I have a very bad habit of casting those who disagree with me on important social/political issues in an immoral/ignorant light, but I'm working very hard to eliminate that habit - it's a holdover from my years as a debater.
9. I'm a HUGE nerd, although I'm functionally tech-illiterate.
10. I Facebook-stalk my Army friends so I can live vicariously through their pictures, so I don't feel guilty about being in law school while they're training up for deployment.
11. I have a very serious problem with religion's involvement in the political arena. It's such a problem, in fact, that I won't discuss it further.
12. Movie I secretly like: Legally Blond.
13. I hate running (not within the context of a sport, but just running) more than just about any conceivable activity.
14. I'm absolutely terrified of engaging others socially without being engaged first. In other words, I'm scared to initiate social interaction. I don't know why. It's this huge, ineffable, inexplicable horror.
15. If I were more confident (and less ADHD), I'd start getting gigs and performing music around Oxford.
16. TV Character I secretly want to be like: equal parts Dr. Gregory House (House, MD); Dr. Perry Cox (Scrubs); Red Foreman (That 70s Show); and Dr. Alex Karev (Grey's Anatomy).
17. I once fell asleep in a debate round in which I was competing, and also in one in which I was judging.
18. The coolest thing I've ever seen: Jake Wilson (aka Abba) getting his face kicked in during the HSC Rugby Football Club's annual Alumni Game in the Spring of 2005. Don't get me wrong; he's a friend of mine and I didn't like seeing him get injured, but seeing anyone's face getting kicked in is straight badass.
19. Biggest regret thus far in life: not working harder in undergrad and developing good study habits.
20. I've seen literally every episode of Scrubs (with the exception of this season), and every episode of Seinfeld.
21. I have developed an appreciation of older music through Bob Dylan's Theme Time Radio Hour.
22. My ultimate career goal as an attorney is to argue and win a case before the U.S. Supreme Court.
23. I want more than anything to be someone people call when they want to go out and have a good time.
24. Life Goal #7: See a Rugby World Cup match live in New Zealand.
25. Life Goal #14: Compete in a bodybuilding competition.

There they are. Thoughts?

brennan

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-01T04:10:00.000-06:00

Thoughts? Here they are.

1. See my abs clearly.
2. Finish the year w/ less than 74k miles on my Explorer.
3. Make Law Journal.
4. Run a 14:00 2-mile.
5. Expand my experiences by doing something I've never done before.
6. No overdrafts or late bills.
7. Add at least $400 to my savings.
8. Set the conditions to allow myself to compete in a bodybuilding competition in mid-2010, to include cutting down to clearly-visible abs, then bulking up to about 200 lbs. while maintaining visible abs.
9. Maintain a 3.2 GPA.
10. Get at least 6.5 hours of sleep per night.
11. Drink at least 1 gallon of water per day.
12. Run at least 5 miles per week, and if cycling to break the tedium of running, factor 1 mile of running to equal 3 miles of cycling.
13. Limit desserts/sweets to 3 per week, not including exams weeks.

Contracts

2008-12-16T00:51:00.001-06:00

I can't explain it. I walked in and took my Contracts exam. I answered all the questions I needed to answer and was at least moderately confident in everything I wrote. I was scared out of my mind prior to taking it. I don't know how I did it. I'm relieved though. Now, to CivPro1. Wish me luck.

Thoughts on Christmas, Contracts, and Steve Urkel

2008-12-15T02:11:00.000-06:00

So as I was studying tonight (Contracts tomorrow scares the hell out of me), I decided to distract myself for short periods of time in order to maintain my sanity. The first time, I cooked deer sausage in Samuel Adams Winter Lager (incredible, btw). The second time, I did a little shopping online/gift planning. The third time, I watched Family Matters. It was a Christmas episode, and it really got me thinking. I also have recently seen It's A Wonderful Life recently, and it informs my thinking of late. So I've decided that apart from religious significance (which, of course, is seminal to the very concept of Christmas), Christmas holds a very important place in our culture. Even if you are not particularly religious, Christmas means something essential to our nature as people. Aristotle is right: the fundamental unit of social organization is the family. It is the first society we know. Only from there, can we come to engage society as a whole. Our first interactions with the world in any significant way, are within our family. For some, this is a biological/nuclear family. For others, it is a confederation of colleagues, etc. Those unfortunate people whose biological families are not intact have family; they just take a different form. My point is that our views of society are fundamentally shaped by our family, because it is the seminal society itself.

I have been extraordinarily lucky. I was born into a family with strong ties. My parents love each other, and love their children. My siblings love each other, and we love our parents. We, for the most part, get along. This is not to say that we don't have our squabbles. We certainly do. But at the end of the day, they're there. I have friends. I may not be the most popular or have the most friends, but the friends I have are dear to me. And I know that I am dear to them. "No man is a failure if he has friends," is the line from It's a Wonderful Life. I wish to append an addendum. No man is a failure if he has friends and family. If at the end of the day, a person can look around and say that no matter what happens, there are people for whom I care and who care for me, that person is a success. And if not, they are a failure. I have a girlfriend who loves me, despite my flaws. I know, it shocks me to think of it. And I love her. She is all I need in this world. And that makes me a success. She sacrifices for me, and understands the hardship I endure and will force upon her eventually, but she acquiesces gracefully and without complaint. I cannot fathom the reason she does this, but I am careful not to wonder this aloud, lest she begin to wonder as well.

Back to Christmas and Family Matters. In this episode, Steve and Carl go shopping and take the train into the city. The train gets stuck in a power outage, and Steve annoys the hell out of everyone on the train in an attempt to rouse Christmas spirit. Unfortunately, it does not go well at all until he begins to question people about the gifts they have. They slowly begin to reveal that the gifts are for their loved ones. When Steve asks them about their loved ones, you begin to understand his point. Christmas is a time for celebrating the fact that we aren't alone. I know we should do this every single day, but Christmas is a particularly apt opportunity. Never lose sight of the fact that John Milton was correct: "No man is an island." I have found myself feeling alone of late, especially with the stress of exams, and especially since Ryan went home. I am alone in this apartment, but I am not really alone. I have an entire support system: friends, family, girlfriend - right here with me.

On a related note, I have finalized my Christmas wish list:
1) new tires
2) new suit
3) 3.3 GPA
4) spending 25DEC with the people who mean the most to me
5) seeing Alicia on 26DEC and spending a week and a half with her
6) Cotton Bowl victory

Please remember that, especially this time of year, we never know when the last time we may see someone we love is, and always, ALWAYS, tell people who matter to you that you love them. Enjoy the holidays, everyone (all 2 of you who might actually read this drivel).

Property Final

2008-12-12T03:25:00.000-06:00

Definitely unhappy. Not a good day. Not at all. Got up after a full night's sleep, having studied all of the topics my Property class has covered this semester. The things we spent a lot of time on (adverse possession, the Rule Against Perpetuities, gifts, deeds, recordings, future interests) were the things I spent a lot of time on. The things we spent little time on (acquisition by find, landlord-tenant, and concurrent estates) were the things I spent relatively little time on. The joke was on me. The exam was approximately 80% landlord-tenant and concurrent estates. As I recall, there were 3-5 multiple choice questions on the Rule Against Perpetuities, which we spent 4 weeks on. My confidence is shot. I was supposed to knock this one out of the park. I was nerve-wracked after the Torts exam because it was the first one. I was supposed to be able to do really well on this before Contracts and CivPro (the two hardest for me) so that I could have a head of confidence coming into them. Now, not so much. And, Alicia and I had a fight over some really asinine stuff. It's really been a TERRIBLE day. Anyone feel like making me feel better?

Property

2008-12-10T23:25:00.000-06:00

So I realize now that my confidence in Property is potentially misplaced. As I review, I'm coming across a good bit of stuff I don't remember too well. Maybe it's just because it's another final and I'm nervous, but I'm scared of this one too. I know that I know this material pretty well, and I can work the Rule Against Perpetuities problems cold. I've got Gifts, Acquisition by Find, and Concurrent Estates down. I fully understand the transfer of title by deed and the filing/recording process, and Future Interests aren't going to give me any trouble. I'm just worried that I'm missing something. Adverse Possession I've still gotta work a little bit on, and Leaseholds I'm a little fuzzy on. The long and short of it is that I'm freaked out because it's a final, not because I don't know what I'm doing.

1 Down...

2008-12-09T13:35:00.000-06:00

3 to go. I think I did fairly well on my Torts final, but as Prof. Kreuger pointed out, law students are notoriously poor judges of their success on finals. It's in the past and I can't fix it now, though, so I'm moving on. Last night, I chilled out and watched Clerks, about half of Wedding Crashers, and a couple hours of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I didn't think about law school for a minute. It was GREAT! Today, I'm prepping for my strongest course, Property. What makes it better is that since it's a 4 hour class, this exam counts more than the others toward my GPA. I expect to do very well in this class, so I'm probably going to bomb the exam because of my confidence. Oh well... back to studying.

Exam Prep and its Attendant Psychology

2008-12-07T02:22:00.000-06:00

So I'm preparing for my Torts exam. I've spent about 14 hours today in preparation, just reading and reading and reading my outline, working hypothetical problems, and finding ways to remember rules. I'm really feeling like I'm going to do well on this exam, yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm just going to fail miserably. I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm just naturally insecure, and it wouldn't be the first time I've thought that. I know the material pretty well; I think I'm just spooked by the thought of taking my first law school exam. To paraphrase my dad, though, I can only study as hard as I can and learn it as well as possible, and take the exam in as effective a manner as possible. There's no real way to shake that feeling other than to convince yourself that you're going to AmJur all of your classes. I feel good about Property and Torts. Contracts scares me a lot. CivPro, not as much as Contracts, but I'm definitely not really confident about it. I'm going to try to get some sleep now, so I can get up and study before my 2nd study group meeting of the weekend. Before I go, wanted to note that it was nice getting to catch up with Wesley Julian, Hampden-Sydney '08, who is teaching in Japan at the moment. It's always fun to talk to old friends.

Careers

2008-12-05T18:28:00.000-06:00

I've decided that I want to pursue some mixture of the following careers: JAG attorney (got that one pretty much locked up already though), judge, and something in national intelligence/military intelligence (CIA, FBI, DIA, NSA, ODNI, OUSDI, DOE, DHS, StateDept., Treasury, DEA, NGIA, or NRO). I've always been fascinated by our national intelligence capabilities and institutions. Having taken a class from a former USDI, I got the inside scoop on how intel works; it is truly a fascinating field in which to work, and I'd love to have the opportunity to do something involving that. I think my ideal career path would look something like this: JAG (4-20 yrs), intel (5-15 yrs), and bench (who knows?). Anyway, it's great to think about as I take precious minutes from exam prep. Gotta get back to it now though. I hope I don't lose LTG Boykin's number before I need an intel job.

Today

2008-12-04T02:18:00.000-06:00

...went well, I suppose. It was a long day of studying. Contracts and Property exam reviews went well, and I spent the afternoon reading, notecarding, studying, and preparing to cook this pork roast I've been wanting to cook for a few days. I thawed it, and it's now marinating in apple juice with garlic powder, onion salt, pepper, and montreal steak seasoning. It's going to be great. Tonight, Ryan and I took advantage of Blockbuster's 2 for 1 Wednesday deal and I rented 2 movies: The Black Dahlia and The Good Shepherd. I love movies about serial killers and copycats, but the problem is that I rented the wrong film. I meant to rent Brian de Palma's The Black Dahlia, not Ulli Lommel's The Black Dahlia. It was like a homemade slasher film. Weak. I skipped most of it. I got The Good Shepherd because I like CIA movies. LTG Boykin got me interested in the intel community and his talks about CIA - not "the CIA" - really held my attention. For the record, according to The Good Shepherd, the reason you don't say "the CIA" is the same reason you don't say "the God." Great movie. I'll probably watch it this weekend. I ran into a very old friend of mine at Blockbuster, though - Viki Ingram. We went to Mississippi Governor's School in 2003 and she's been working there every summer since while attending Ole Miss. It was good to see her again. Anyway, I'm off to try to get some sleep so I can get up and study tomorrow.

Wrong exam...

2008-12-03T02:15:00.000-06:00

So apparently, I've been preparing for the wrong exam. I've been studying very hard for Contracts, which I thought (I don't know why) was Monday. It turns out that it's a week from Monday, and that Monday's exam is Torts, which I haven't studied for. I'm about 3 days behind in my Torts preparation as a result. Needless to say, I'm a little freaked. In fact, the only reason I'm writing this is that I'm too nervous to sleep, but too brain-dead to study anymore. 181701DEC2008 (5:01 pm on 12/18/08 - the minute after the last exam is due) cannot come soon enough. I spent an hour today studying in the waiting room of Belk Ford Lincoln Mercury in Oxford because I didn't have enough time to drive there, drop off my vehicle for maintenance, go back home and make another trip when it was ready. I've barely got time to eat and sleep. I look forward to getting this semester out of the way. I seriously want to pull a Timothy Bottoms/James T. Hart (The Paper Chase) and refuse to open my grades when the come back. I'll probably set them on fire. I'll see all my grades from subsequent semesters, but I'd really like the freedom of not knowing how I did and having to trust in my abilities retroactively. Oh well... I guess it's off to sleep for me. Hopefully.

...and so it begins.

2008-12-03T01:38:00.000-06:00

To those bored enough to read this:

I'm commencing with the creation of this blog b/c I grow weary of actually writing, and so since my hands are tired from schoolwork, I have stopped journaling in the pea green books the Army seems so fond of. Therefore, I will attempt to continue journaling here. I will update tomorrow.

brennan